Women Should Force Themselves to Have Sex for the Good of the ...

Am I missing something or is the following a?suggestion?that people should have sex when they don?t want to in order to please their partners and keep them around?

It?s not an obligation, to start with. It?s not necessarily about physical pleasure, per se. It doesn?t have to be a ?release? or even a distraction. It doesn?t have to be AWESOME. It?s a thing you do with your partner because your partner likes it and you like your partner and it won?t do you any kind of harm to have some naked time. You do it because you see how it?s good for your long term happiness: your partner feels welcomed into your heart and mind, feels connected and accepted, may even feel all the pleasure, release, etc that sex is hyped to be. You do it because it?s Good For You. . .

Look, if you only exercised or ate vegetables or showered when you really WANTED to? well, I know I?d only do each one about once a week, most weeks.

Obviously, we all know that the people encouraged to force themselves to have sex as an investment in long-term happiness can only be women. It is much easier for an uncaring, nasty partner to pretend not to notice lack of female arousal than of a male erection.

The idea that female sexuality only exists to service the needs of others (men, the family, society) has been Within a patriarchal model, each woman needs to be claimed by some man as her own and proclaimed as valuable in society?s eyes by this act of ownership. A woman who is ?not in a relationship? becomes a useless creature who hasn?t fulfilled her role of servicing the needs of others.

The especially passionate proponents of this sexual self-violation are women who have sacrificed their sexuality for the sake of this Holy Grail of a relationship. They know how much they lost when they chose to betray their sexuality. This is why the idea that there are women who don?t self-violate in the same manner drives them to distraction. Hence, the efforts to talk all women into following in their footsteps.

So here is an alternative piece of advice from a non-patriarchal woman:

Dear women! Do not violate your bodies and force yourselves to have sex when you don?t want to and with a partner you don?t desire. Rather than an investment in long-term happiness, you are investing in ?a host of physiological ailments and psychological problems. This self-violation will cost you very dearly. Every time you fake interest in sex, you remove the possibility of ever having happy, orgasmic, fulfilling sex even farther away from yourselves. If you need to have sex to ?feel accepted? by your partner, that means you have a really crappy partner who doesn?t care two straws about you. Dump him today, he is a jerk. A normal man ? I don?t even say a loving man, just a man who is reasonably healthy in his head ? would be horrified at the suggestion of having sex with an unwilling partner. (And a woman, too, of course.) You don?t need to be ?in a relationship? at all costs. Nobody does.

If you are past the age of 30 and you need to think of long-term happiness, investments, relationships or posts you read online to talk yourself into having sex, please know: you are with the wrong partner. He might be the best guy in the universe, but you do ?not desire him physically. You are exchanging your sexuality for societal validation. Just think about it.

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